Once Upon a Time. . .

There was a beautiful princess named Snow White.



She wished for a handsome prince to love.



But a wicked Queen was jealous of Snow White and had her cast out of the kingdom.



In the forest Snow White met some friendly dwarfs.




They became fast friends.




The Queen wanted to get rid of Snow White forever so she used a magic spell to make a poison apple.



Then the Queen tricked Snow White into eating the apple.





Snow White fell into a deep sleep. Luckily the Prince found Snow White and kissed her. She awoke and they fell in love.



After all the drama Snow White and the dwarfs went begging for some candy.





The Queen and her apple tagged along. Don't worry, the Prince was there to make sure the Queen didn't try any more shenanigans.

He even got them all pizza when they were done.



They all returned to the humble cottage to gorge on candy.





And they all lived happily ever after.



The End.

The Cast:

Snow White - Sable
The Prince - Jeff
The Queen - Aby
Doc - Capri
Dopey - Rome
Poison Apple - Oz

Study this picture.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Scientific Study: Fast Food Tacos

Taco Bell = Disgusting

Del Taco = Yuck

In a Tub = Yum!

Taco Bueno = Delicioso!

I think the results speak for themselves.

A Little Behind

No I am not referring to my own caboose. If I was, the title of this post would be "That Large Round Planet I Sit Upon".
No, no, I of course mean how I've gotten behind in my blogging. I blame this on quite a few things.

1. Rock Band

2. Oranges and lemons

3. Sunny California - yeah that's right, I'll blame an entire state if I want to.

4. My basement is cold

Except for #4 you are probably needing some explanation of my excuses for not blogging.

Well you'll have to wait.

My fingers are turning into blocks of ice.

I must go back upstairs.

Dear SM,

That's right, I've abbreviated your name. Deal with it.

Your second book (which like the first I REFUSE to name in my blog) made me laugh out loud today.

As we skulked back to the makeshift garage, I contemplated my luck. Only a teenage boy would agree to this: deceiving both our parents while repairing dangerous vehicles using money meant for my college education. He didn't see anything wrong with that picture. Jacob was a gift from the gods.

I estimate this laugh was worth about 35 cents. Therefore, the check I am eagerly awaiting from you now can be for a mere $7.65.

I was also very glad to have somebody else, Jacob, enter the story. I was just about ready to drive to Forks and strangle Bella.

I know, I know, she's fictional. But it would have been very dramatic nonethless.

Thanks (still no luvs),
aby

Dear Stephanie Meyer,

I must be in a letter writing mood.

I just wanted to write you and say, you are making me crazy.
That's all.

No wait. I'll explain.

I was FORCED to read your first book. FORCED.
OK, so I ended up liking parts of it. Mostly the parts that had nothing to do with Bella's constant descriptions of Edwards "perfect face and marble chest". I liked Jacob, I liked the rest of the Cullens. Frankly I wished the book was all about them.
When I finished your first book I was left thinking, "THAT'S the end?". This made me mad. You had left it so open for a sequel that I knew I'd have to read the next one. So I went BACK to the library and got on the waiting list. This time I was somwhere in the 300's. So I waited. And waited. Then I got sick of waiting for something that I really didn't even WANT to read so I bought the darn thing. That's right. I BOUGHT it.
And now I am reading it. And all of the Cullen's are gone, and Jacob is nowhere to be seen and I am having to endure PAGES and PAGES of Bella's whining and "numbness". For goodness sakes, does the woman have any self esteem AT ALL??

This is why you are making me crazy.

Therefore, I would like my money back. I think you can swing the 8 bucks. I'll be awaiting your response, and check.

Thank you (no luvs),
aby

Dear Fellow Bloggers,

First I want to say that I think you are all just grand. And extra special. And dandy.

Second, I want to say that I HATE your automatic music players (or whatever they are called). Does HATE seem like a strong word? Sorry. But it's true.
I really, really, really HATE them.

Here's why:

1. I don't keep my speakers on all the time. What can I say, I like the gentle hum of my computer. So when I do NEED to turn them on to watch one of your videos that you so brillantly figured out how to download (something I've never been able to accomplish) I am blasted with whatever music you've loaded onto your blog. I hear no kiddies, no birthday song, no funny baby gurgles. Therefore I have to FIND your music player, turn it off, go back to the post and then restart the video clip.

2. Here's where it gets REALLY hairy. I use Firefox, and as you may know, Firefox keeps multiple pages open with tabs at the top of the screen for easy access. I like this. What really throws me off is when I have a blog open, then use a link to get to another blog. Then I go to play a video on the second blog and so I turn on my speakers - BLAAAST!! Music instead. So I search for the music player and turn it off. But the music doesn't stop, "*$%#**#!", the OTHER blog ALSO has one and I have to go back to the first blog and find that player and turn IT off.

So as you can clearly see this is causing me great problems. And distress. And cursing.

It's not that I don't love Y-O-U fellow bloggers. I do, I DO love you! It's just that I really, really, really, REALLY hate your music players.

Oh yeah, I also really hate your word verifications. This is another source of frustration when I leave a perfectly snarky comment and then have to type in something that looks a lot like this:

JojoBOSkojilLSKION

luvs, aby

For: My Cousin Emily (and any other living, breathing woman out there)

The reason I was willing to be freaked out of my mind for a good 4 years straight.

Finished

Several days ago I finished the book I refuse to call by name. You all have heard the name ENOUGH in one lifetime anyhow.
My final thoughts on in it:

1. Too scary. Yes, I am a weenie. Those 50 pages of actual action were scary for me. Again, I admit to being a weenie. I don't like being scared. And Jeff was working so I had to be scared all by my lonesome.
How then did you ever watch the X-Files you may ask? Good question. I spent every year I watched the X-Files in a state of constant fear. It is a true testament to David Duchovoney's hotness and Fox Mulder's awesome character as to WHY I ever endured that show.

2. I REALLY REALLY REALLY didn't like what Bella did to her Dad. I don't care if he was in danger, that was just not cool.

3. Man is this book rigged for a sequel or WHAT?? You finish the darn thing are are left saying, "That's the end?".

4. I did get a little sick of how perfectly perfect Edward is. It makes him IMPOSSIBLE to imagine. Plus, I really don't like pretty boys. So I found myself imagining him looking a lot like Duncan MacLeod from Highlander. Now THAT'S perfection.

5. I liked it enough that I'm considering reading the next book. But I don't know. Mostly I'd read it because I ended up liking the side characters a lot. Alice and Jasper are great, so is Jacob. Really all the side characters ended up as my favorites. So I'd be interested in reading more about them. Course I'd have to wade through more descriptions of Edward's "perfect face" and "marble arms". That could be rough.

Your thoughts??

That CERTAIN time of day (come on, don't make me write it)

I can't BEAR to write the name of this book as the title to my post, on MY blog where I have oh so openly shared my feelings on the darn thing.
So I won't.

Since I'm being FORCED to read the book that I can't bear to name, here are my thoughts so far. I'm about 2/3 the way through.

1. It's a quick read. I am by far the SLOWEST reader in the entire world. So if I think it' a quick read, then it really must be.

2. When I take it someplace to read, like McDonald's or the gym - I VERY much want to rip the cover off so that nobody can see what it is I'm reading. Seriously. That is how embarrassed I am to be reading it. But I haven't done that because I'd be MORE embarrassed if somebody thought I was reading a romance novel or something like that with a ridiculous picture on the front. Not that this ISN'T a romance novel, let's just face it - it IS.

3. What is up with this author and DASHES? The book is riddled with them! When I started reading it I said to Jeff, "What is this, a blog entry, an e-mail, WHAT?"

4. I still don't care for Vampires.

5. All that said, I don't hate the book. I won't say that I LIKE it. But I don't hate it. It's actually surprised me a bit.

6. I do like Edward's character. I think it would be sort of impossible to NOT like him. I mean, he's the ultimate male. I CANNOT picture his face (and in my mind his hair is very dark, I know it's not really), but I can picture his persona. He's the guy that frankly every woman wants. We ALL want a guy who is enough of a man that he can and will rescue us, that if he bosses us around sometimes it doesn't bother us. And if you're shaking your head and saying "No, No, not me." Then you're a big fat liar.

7. I think that everybody is going to be VERY disappointed by the movie. There is just no way possible that they can capture these characters correctly. And I've seen the guy they cast as Edward, HE is supposed to be indescribably beautiful? Whoever cast that movie should be ashamed.

8. I still don't get why this series became so insanely popular. I'll admit that it can be a fun read, but come on! Is it really the best story ever? I guess there is something to be said for a book being written at the right time.

So that's that. So far.

Corrie, I hope you're happy.
But if you EVER compare this book to X-Files again, or Edward to our beloved Fox Mulder and Bella to our also beloved Dana Scully - I will have to disconnect my video phone.

I Gets No "Luvs"

As usual, I'm gettin' no "luvs". So I'll go ahead and reveal what the number 548 means to me, I know all 5 of you who read this blog are waiting on pins and needles to find out.

I am #548 on the library waiting list to read, no Jen NOT Breaking Dawn, but the very first Twilight book.

I have to admit. I don't actually WANT to read Twilight. In fact I'd really rather chew off my own hand. But my friend Corrie has been hounding me to read it for, well, just about an enternity now. So last week I went to the library and tried to look it up in the card catalog computer thingy. Having NO luck, I personally believe that DEWEY of the Dewey Decimal system was a HORRIBLE organizer, I went and asked the librarian. She looked it up and said there weren't any copies available. Feeling like a good friend I told her to go ahead and throw me on the waiting list. She did, and seconds later started to laugh.

Librarian: You're #548 on the wait list.

Me: WHAAAAAAT! You mean like there are five-hundred and FORTY-SEVEN people before me??

Librarian: (Laughs)

Me: (Secretly relieved that I wasn't going to be going home with the book) Ok, I did my job - I TRIED to get the book. I'll just have to tell my friend that it'll be a couple of years before I read it.

Librarian: (Still laughing) There are about 50 copies of the book in circulation so maybe you'll get it sooner!

So that's it. I am NOT NOT NOT going to read Twilight. This cemented it for me. I absolutely refuse to read something that:

1. Has to do with Vampire love.

2. Has to do with Werewolf love (I found this out by reading People magazine which says that the MAIN fans of the Twilight series are a bunch of teenagers who call themselves "Twilights" and mob book signings).

3. Has such a wild and obsessive following that I am #548 on the wait list for the darn thing!! In fact, I tend to be the kind of person that when something gets TOO popular, I don't want to have anything to do with it. Just like Harry Potter, I couldn't read it then and I can't read it now. I can't even stay awake for the movies.

I just have to wonder why? Why is it soooooo good? Why is everyone reading it? Why has it become the #1 most blogged about thing on every Mormon women's blog? And WHY OH WHY does the library have 50 copies of the thing? I'm very willing to bet that they don't carry 50 copies of Catcher in the Rye, On the Road, or A Moveable Feast.
So I'm taking a stand, and I'm sure I'll be horribly unpopular for it. But frankly, what's new?